What makes a person truly happy? What is your definition of happiness? Many people have a list, in their heads, of what they think they need to be truly happy – “if I get a new job with a fabulous boss, if I can run my own business, if I can win the lottery, if I was famous, if I got a pay raise, if I drove a Bentley, if I was more beautiful, thinner, fatter (oh yes, some people would love to be bigger) if I found love or have children…” The list is endless. But are these really the keys to happiness?
Well, between you and I, it may look like any number of these things could make you happy, at least not when it comes to long-term happiness. All these things can feel great in the moment (like expecting a package from Amazon 😊) but the excitement and thrill and newness of it all never lasts long. “Nothing lasts forever” have you heard that saying?
We adapt so quickly to situations and after a little while it becomes your normal and we return to wanting or needing more to be happy. There are so many myths about what makes a person happy – money, the need to be in a relationship, a good job – we have to train our brains to be happy and positive. That does not mean that you have a smile on your face like a Cheshire cat that got the cream and pretend everything is bright and beautiful. You also do not have to dwell in misery and unhappiness.
Much like the Greek philosopher Epicurus, I believe that living a full life of simplicity and within your means, savoring the things and experiences that are the most important to you is the way to achieve pleasure, happiness, and comfort. Can money buy your happiness? Well, if you ask me, it can make you comfortable – in sickness and in health.
In life, you can ponder about your fears and desires and ask yourself if they are indeed necessary. If they are OK to have – should I worry about getting fat? Do I need to eat fewer carbs to remain thin? Do I need to drink or smoke every day? Is it really worth it to get lung cancer or to be completely obliterating yourself from the world by getting stupid drunk? Is it all necessary, is it wise? Does my relationship really make me happy? Do I need social media to validate me? to make me happy?
I worry about most things – things I cannot really control. If I was to go strictly by the Epicurean way, I would learn to focus on the present moment, rather than needlessly making myself miserable by worrying about the future or dwelling negatively on the past. What makes you happy, really? Working out? Cooking? Eating? Hanging with friends and family? When you meet, do you talk about what really matters to you, or do you talk about the weather and weight? Do we all really want a life of pleasure? Uneventful pleasure perhaps? Is a life full of uncertainty, spontaneity? Are high highs and desperate lows more exciting? Or a life of striving after achievement, or living like the Jones? Or a life devoted to serving others? Or simply being happy to be alive and well?
I will leave you with this quote from Epicurean “Not what we have, but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance.”
